WHY NOT MORE BLOGS, CHUCK?

Chuck, why don’t you write on your blog more often?

I have actually never been asked that question, but I am aware that many of you may want to ask it. Well, I am aware of little these days as my grey matter gradually turns to mush, but I am cognizant (just showing off my college education) of the fact that I haven’t written anything recently and, therefore, probably have a number of disappointed blog fans wondering why. Okay, “disappointed” might be a bit strong.

Here are some possible answers to the question. Pick out the one that seems to have the best fit. (Everyone scores a perfect 100 on this test, by the way.)

1. Chuck is a lazy, no-talent bum with little to say and even less talent for putting it in writing.

2. Chuck writes often, he just doesn’t publish.

3. Chuck is too busy answering email from the last blog to have time to write a new one.

4. Chuck has nothing to say worth reading and has the good sense to know it.

5. Answer #4 is completely bogus except for the part about “nothing to say worth reading.”

6. Chuck and Joyce have been on the road to Colorado and he hasn’t had time to prepare a summary of his travel adventures.

7. There were no travel adventures so Chuck (as usual) has nothing to write about.

8.  People have asked me to stop writing on my blog.

Pick an answer. Pick two or three if you like.

Joyce and I are our 15 acres of the Colorado Mountains that we lovingly refer to as The Ranch. We arrived five days ago after spending three days in Denver visiting with Joyce’s brother and sister-in-law AND hoping our lungs would adjust a little to the altitude there before we came on up to the ranch. The altitude in Denver, as most people know, is around 5,280 feet, hence the nickname, The Mile-High City. The altitude at the ranch is 8750 feet; we just refer to it as nearly 9,000 feet. A couple of hundred feet doesn’t matter one way or the other when you can’t breathe.

In reality, breathing is not the problem. Breathing is easy. The air is clean, free of most of man’s pollutants and carries the scent of Ponderosa pine, wild flowers and, occasionally, some cow shit. Clean, breathable air is plentiful; it’s the lower oxygen that is the problem.

Here’s a little lesson on air density. The percentage of oxygen in air, at 21%, remains almost unchanged up to 7,000 feet (2,100 m). There is no change in the ratio of oxygen to nitrogen. However, it is the air pressure itself, the number of molecules (of both oxygen and nitrogen) per given volume, which drops as altitude increases. Consequently, the available amount of oxygen to sustain mental and physical alertness decreases above 10,000 feet (3,000 m).

Ha! My ability to sustain mental and physical alertness, already at dangerously low levels, decreases a lot the first few days at the ranch. After walking from the living room to the bathroom, I have to stop and catch my breath. When toweling off after my shower, I have to stop and take five or six big breaths before continuing. (In this weakened and nude state I am, of course, vulnerable to any passing woman: a fact that is not lost on my wife.)

Showering is one of several great pleasures here at the ranch. We have a drilled well, 240 feet deep, that has naturally soft water, I mean soft to the point of feeling slick. If you are old enough, you may remember the Brylcreem hair pomade for men that was popular during the middle of the last century. The catch phrase in their radio and television ads was, “A little dab’l do you.” Well, that’s true with the soft water from our well. You don’t need much soap to work up a tremendous lather. And cold? You need a lot of hot water and only a little cold water when taking a shower.

But that cold water tastes so good when you need a refreshing drink direct from the tap. And you do need to drink lots of water out here. The air is drier, so you need more water to stay hydrated. In addition, drinking extra water helps stave off altitude sickness. More than one guest to the ranch has had a vacation stay spoiled by not heeding our advice to take it easy the first couple of days – and to drink lots of water!!

Headaches are the most common complaint at this altitude, along with the feeling of breathlessness. The dryer air may dry out nasal passages causing more sneezing and nose blowing. Too much exertion and lack of water, however, may lead to nausea and a day or two in bed.

So, it’s only after taking it easy for three or four days that Joyce and I start to do anything. (I spent two days just sitting in my recliner reading.) But today, we are starting to work on various projects. Well, Joyce is. I encourage her to prepare meals, do laundry and other “easy” chores while I sit at my computer typing. When Joyce walks in the room, I roll my eyes, act as if I have a headache, or feign some other form of illness so she won't think I should get up and do something. The lawn needs mowing and the garage needs cleaning, but I don’t want to overdo.

Speaking of the garage, we either have ghosts or there is a sneaky (possibly dead now) critter that has taken up residence there. Ghosts don’t usually leave behind dried poop, so I’m going with the critter line. The “residence” part is still under investigation. What I fear is that some animal wandered into the garage the last time it was open and we inadvertently locked it in. The place was a mess when we got out here this summer. Things were knocked off wall hooks, there was poop and vomit on the floor, and other indications of something running around frantically -- probably searching for a way out. Poor thing. What a horrible way to die.

Equally horrible is the task before me: finding the, hopefully petrified, remains and removing them.

Now you know why I am saving myself from getting all worn out from mundane chores and steeling myself for the job ahead. You also know why I haven’t been blogging lately.