PIGPIMPLES

I went to see the last of the Harry Potter series last night.  It was OK, but it wasn’t the best of the series.  As is currently the case among Hollywood directors, there was too much emphasis on special effects, leaving my wife, who has not read the book series, wondering at times what was going on.  I wondered myself at times.

The closing scene showed all the principal characters grown up, married and each with several children, at least one of which was making his/her first trip to Hogwarts, just as the eleven-year-old Harry did in the first book of the series.  This started me thinking, always a dangerous thing as my wife will confirm.

I asked myself, “Why must these potential wizards have to wait until they are eleven to get a feel for their undeveloped, but budding magical powers?”  Even in the Muggles world (Muggles are those without magical powers) we know that very young children need to be removed from the influence of the home and their parents and placed in baby care, followed by day care, and that followed by pre-kindergarten so they will be ready to enter the scary world of public education when they turn five.  If they cannot read and write, as well as do simple arithmetic upon starting their "formal" schooling, we fear their lives will be one long futile search for success and happiness.

Hence, my big idea.  Why not start a preschool for Hogwarts students?  I will call it Pigpimples, or PP for short.  Children who demonstrate a propensity for making things happen without any plausible explanation must be potential wizards and would be candidates for PP.  Children around whom things mysteriously disappear could be sent to PP, the same for children with mystery ailments.

While at Pigpimples, children would learn simple magic: three-card Monty, pulling nickels from someone’s ear, “Gotchur nose,” making the end of their thumb separate from their hand, and other slight-of-hand tricks that they can use to earn a living at any carnival in case they bomb out at Hogwarts.

Since I am talking about children too young to attend a campus school such as Hogwarts, we would need to establish a franchise of Pigpimples schools in every community.  Our motto: Every child needs PP.  When the franchise goes national we can have kids PP-ing all over the country.  Every parent then will know if their child is truly a budding wizard or just a “splash” in the PP pan.